Children of Divorce & Remarriage
We need to give our children a voice, so they can be heard
Here is one child’s cry for attention:
I can’t tell you my name because I don’t want to hurt my mom or my dad, but my brother and I are so stressed out all the time. We hate watching mom cry every day because daddy left us. Mom said he moved across town to start a new family with someone else. We’re scared all the time now and don’t know what to do, or what to think. We’re afraid to ask our mom anything because we don’t believe she knows what’s really going on or ask our dad either because he lies. Our pastor says things will work out in time, but we don’t believe him either. How can things work out unless mom and dad get back together again. We knew this divorce thing happened to other kids at our school, but we never thought it would happen to us. It’s hard to talk about it, because no one really understands how very angry we are, and when we get mad and do something stupid it only gets them upset but we’re only trying to get some answers. It’s frustrating us like crazy. Were not the least bit happy about what’s going on. We cry in our sleep and have nightmares over it. Our dad says stupid things like, “Don’t you want me to be happy“. He said this after he told us he wanted to marry that stupid woman he was living with. Can you believe that, he wants us to be happy for him. How can he want what makes us so miserable? Why doesn’t he care about us any more? I don’t think we were that bad!!!
Lord, forgive us for what we’re doing to our children, and for destroying your the image to them by our selfish acts of trying to please ourselves at your and our children’s expense. It’s obvious we don’t know the true meaning of love, or the cost attached to that kind of love!
It’s truly sad when hundreds of thousands of children every day watch their parents divorce, remarry, or go live in a common law relationship with someone else’s mom or dad. Then to top that off 60% of these rebellious relationships fail after only a few short years, causing the children to become even more confused than they already are.
We’re screwing with their minds, their hearts, and their futures, sometimes even with their very lives.
Suicide is on the increase every year. why are we surprised?
We’ve produced a generation of children who are not able to trust God or anyone else, like us, their own parents.
It takes real courage to speak the truth in love from our pulpits these days. Many pastors are so afraid of offending someone with this truth that they leave us all struggling trying to discern the truth through all their diplomatic double talk about love and commitment in marriage while they encourage divorce when their is adultery instead of forgiveness and then remarry them to someone else.
We here at Hosea’s Cry have repented of living for ourselves and are now turning our hearts back to our children. We are trying to listen to the cries of their heart, be they silent or loud, and be they young children or older. We tell them that its ok to be angry at us, because we want them to speak the truth even if it hurts us, if they can speak it in love all the better, but if they can’t, say it anyway! We want to hear their heart and we wont try to defend ourselves anymore.
We hope they will be able to forgive us before it’s too late, or they too will reap what we sewed into them. We hope they discover like we did that in Christ we have found unconditionally love and now want to sew that into their hearts so they can pass His kind of love on to their future mates and others as well. We try to walk this out now with our own spouses who have divorced us. We want to be safe people for them to be around, no longer wanting to argue a point with them, but really learning to listen to them and to forgive them daily.
We tell our children it’s not wrong to be angry, just don’t hold on to this emotion give it to God as quickly as you can so the bitterness of that emotion wont set in and harden their hearts like it did ours, because it will only ends up defiling many as we can testify too.
Satan delights in our taking on an offense against one another because that has been his strategy all along, to keep us from becoming ‘ONE‘, he wants not only to defile our families with division, but whole nations. Satan knows how to tear down a nation, he starts by attacking families one at a time because families are the foundation of every nation.
We are teaching our children that in Christ we can overcome Satan’s plans, even after a divorce has taken place, we teach by walking in unconditional love with our non repentant mates. The Lord has made it very clear that nothing is impossible for us who love God more than ourselves.
The Lord has taught us to run to Him quickly for our answers when troubles come up and over whelm us. He then shows us where to stand in the gap on this ancient narrow path of His, and see His ways are so very much higher than our ways. Then as we kneel on this ancient path of His revelation light shines upon us causing us to rise up and leap for joy at the glory of the Lord our God that surrounds us giving us hope for our future and peace beyond our understanding.
God desperately wants our heart’s to turn back to our children, and the hearts of our children to turn back to us before that dreadful day comes. God does not want our land stricken with this curse called ‘division’ any longer, but wants us to learn how to be “ambassadors of reconciliation” with Him so He can restore what the devil stole from us through our act of obedience!!!
Today we here at Hosea’s Cry get along with our mates even though they divorced us, or some have even entered into adulterous marriages. Like Hosea we work hard at being safe people for them to be around. We know and are witness to many marriages that were totally destroyed by Satan and have now been resurrected and restored back to life again by God’s power alone working through them. The adulterous relationship was broken off and repented of, then after they spent time with the Lord in the Valley of Achor like Gomer did, God opened a door of hope for them too by showing them the way back home. Gomer humbly returned to her covenant spouse Hosea who was made ready by God to go take her back again. This is happening all over the world. I wonder why Pastors are not looking into this more closely, and opening up, and talking about this with their congregations? Is it because they are afraid of ruffling some feathers?
God is doing this with Israel today. He is causing the Jews to repent of their wicked ways and they are starting to turn back to Him. He is getting Israel ready to open her blind eyes so she can look upon the one who was pierced for her transgressions. Even though God divorce Israel He loves her desperately and wants to take her back again. Yeshua, their Father’s only begotten Son opened the way for her to return. Yeshua is not only their brother but wants to be her bridegroom. He is waiting for her with open arms. He paid the price for her freedom by coming in the flesh for her, spilling His sacrificial blood on the mercy seat so she could turn from her rebellious ways and enter in by the blood of this Lamb, their Messiah into a new eternal covenant with Him and the father who are ONE and the same, there is no other God like Him.
Give God Praise for He is able to do the impossible become His own Son!!!
It’s time to stop this insanity we are living in
Children all over the world are being traumatized daily.
The acute grief they experience at the loss of their family unity, particularly the loss of a parent that no longer lives with them is tremendous.
As Parent’s we need to wake up to the fact that they might never recover from this trauma we inflicted on them unless they can humble themselves and repent and cry out to God for His help to forgive us, and learn to trust in God again, despite what our sin has done to them. This is a very hard thing for them to do that’s why God hates divorce so much. Satan knows this and laughs!
It’s being reported that children of divorce receive very little emotional or spiritual support from their extended family, friends, or even from their church. Everyone seems to be focused on helping the grieving spouse who has been betrayed and abandoned, they need for us to become strong so we can cope, and get on with our lives. (What ever that means in today’s world.) They feel sorry and their hearts go out to the children of course, but they are really at a lose as to what to say to them to give them any real hope in Almighty God, to save or restore their family after a divorce or remarriage has taken place.
As though divorce and remarriage has greater power than the blood of Christ!
How foolish are the minds and hearts of men.
It must be that they have not taken the power of the blood of Christ into account or His desire to heal our broken families because no one is being brought to conviction, or true repentance by the church anymore. They say peace, peace, when their is no peace, only God can give them the kind of peace their children are really looking for.
Christian counsellors instruct our children out of a false sense of compassion not to hope in God to restore their family but to learn to accept things as they really are once a divorce has taken place. They do pray that in time these children will be able to forgive their parents who have wounded them so deeply. The praying for forgiving their parents part is good, but when the counsellors make the mistake in trying to encourage the rejected spouse that God has someone better for them. They are acting as though God can’t save, or hedge up their prodigal spouse who is in rebellion. Don’t they know God wont let them find any satisfaction in their rebellious life style they’ve chosen because He is a jealous God. Remember God is married to the backslider therefore He is able to influence this prodigal to turn back to their family. God needs someone standing in the gap waiting for their return. their
Pastors and leaders need to stand in the gap with the one who by revelation is standing and looking for family restoration and pray and fight the good fight with them never giving up hope. Children would love to hear that their Pastor actually believes that God is able and powerful enough to do just that. Pastors do encourage forgiving their mate however, but many don’t encourage them to stand and fight the good fight and to be available to God who is able to bring their covenant spouse back from the dead so to speak. This involves a persons free will of course, but we found pastors actually discouraged us when we told them we were standing and believing God would bring our prodigal back to their senses. If it wasn’t for the revelation we received from God Himself we might have gone the ways of the world too.
I believe Pastors discourage us because it often takes years and they don’t believe anyone would be able by today’s standards to go the distance required for a spouse especially after a divorced and remarried to someone else took place; of course in the natural it would be impossible but with God going before us nothing is impossible. God’s eyes search all over the world looking for someone loyal to Him, who will freely lay down their lives so He can show off!!!
It’s true that once intimacy and trust is destroyed because of adultery many people don’t want their spouses back, murderous thoughts still lurk in their hearts towards them. Restoration is the last thing they want.
Their hearts need to be healed first anyway if they plan to get involved in another relationship some day, so why not get them healed and ready for a relationship with their covenant ‘the until death spouse’ this time with Christ at the center.
Pastors don’t believe that anyone in today’s society would love God like Hosea did. Hosea heard from God so was ready and willing to lay down his life and wait on the Lord for his Gomer for the sake of the God’s holy name, and His Kingdom pleasure and for Israel’s children’s, children … Israel’s next generation.
I’m sure Hosea being human had to humble himself more then once before the Lord, confessing his pride was being trampled on again and again. She disgraced him over and over again with other men before and after she left him, but Hosea knew God was on his side this empowered him to go the distance required, and this enabled him to forgive her and intercede for her, so she could be brought back from the pit of hell so God would be glorified.
The Church definitely needs to wake up to what we are doing long term when we encourage and sanctify what God calls ‘adultery’.
A broken and contrite heart must come first, so you can hear from God clearly, then when He calls you to stand in the gap and fight like never before for your family because you now understand His heart. It’s sad that most churches don’t believe God is able to do the miraculous. This is not witchcraft, this is warfare!
Eph.6:12 Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
When pastors teach rebellion against God and His covenant ways in marriage they force children to live in and absorb two different life styles making life very difficult for them.
Children who are forced to grow up in two different households find it very difficult for their parents or the people in their church to understand or relate to their dilemma.
This transition is extremely hard on them because they witness one parent suffer the pain of rejection, while the other parent who initiated the divorce seems happy at everybody’s expense. Not fair they say!
The parent who left tries to convince their children that they love them, but this doesn’t wash. People who love make sacrifices for their children’s sake.
Some children suffer quietly not wanting to add to the grief of the parent left behind, who are finding they are not managing very well on their own. Some go so far as to try to take on the role of the missing parent by trying to help them. This child works hard to suppress their own pain in order to do that, especially in front of the parent who abandoned them, leaving them to shoulder their responsibility. They believe they have to step up to the plate. This child is trying to be an adult before their time. This is so sad!
Children are often forced to watch their mom or their dad, sometimes both at the same time go looking for happiness in the arms of someone else’s wife, or husband this defiles them all even further. Satan loves it!
Then when they find their lovers, children are now forced to move into their home with them this cause them even more stress, anger, and confusion. They take their anger out on others, while they play off their parents guilt trying to break them up so they will all leave. None of these kids want what they are being forced to endure. It actually is making them emotional sick. This gets Satan even more excited!
Divorce rates have risen 222% since 1968
Children would like to hope that their parents will get it right some day, maybe even grow up, and get back together. But when this doesn’t happen soon enough for them, their hope in a powerful God is shattered and depression begins to set in.
We as parents, and the church actually have the power to destroy God’s image of faithfulness to them by our actions of disobedience to God and His ways.
Then we wonder why our children don’t want to come home or go to church any more?
Children of divorce often entertain thoughts of suicide as a way out of their pain. They’ve learned that our happiness far out ways their right to happiness. Some do more than entertain these thoughts, some actually succeed. Suicide is very high among our youth these days because their very foundations are being destroyed right out from under them.
What are the righteous to do when their foundations are destroyed?
Canadian statistics report a total of 5,900 teen suicides in 2007 alone that are directly related to the life styles they are forced to live in. We’ve put them through dramatic emotional, spiritual, and physiological changes then wonder why they are so messed up. . . DUH!!!
Children have a difficult time in trying to understanding and accept why we had to get a divorce in the first place, especially when we say we are Christians and believe in a powerful God.
You can put a bike in the garage and call it a car, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is still a bike. You can call yourself a Christian while you sit in church pew but that does not make you one. They will know you are a Christian by your laid down ‘agape’ love.
Our children are dying on the inside, but many have learned to hide their true feelings from their parents especially when their parent start to date, or get married again, either because they believe they have the no power to change things anyway, or they believe they don’t have anywhere else to go. Often they find it’s easier on every one involved if they just go with the flow, and not make waves. This encourages them to become ‘passive aggressive’ like Ahab in the bible. It also makes them ripe for a relationship with a person under the influence of a Jezebell spirit who wants to take over and control them; causing the next generation to come under the control of these very same spirits.
When a step parent brings their own baggage and their own troubled children into the mix. All these children have to learn how to deal with so many intense feelings that many of them gain or lose weight due to the constant stressors put upon them. Teenagers are especially bothered by this. That’s why Anorexia is on the rise, and many of them join the statistics of teen deaths due to this illness.
Children get honestly tired of moving from house to house continually while their parents stay put. They hate not having their personal stuff available to them at all times, it’s terribly frustrating and some times it’s just enough to push them over the edge.
The destruction of their family causes them to live with tremendous sadness that never seam to go away.
They feel helpless and don’t know where to turn, their own parents being the ones who sabotaged them. They wonder if anyone really cares, can’t someone see the violence that was perpetrated against us, please if anyone is looking can’t you see the blood spilling from our broken heart’s, blood being the evidence that a crime has taken place?
Children in their fantacy would love to call 911, and reported this murder homicide of a whole families to the CSI, so an investigation would ensue and the true culprit would be exposed and held accountable for his diabolical slaughter of so many. Maybe they would even uncover how he did this crime so they could learn how to prevent future destruction to other families.
Adolescence find it particularly difficult to adjust. 1/3 of the boys and 1/4 of the girls disengage from their step families, spending less and less time at home. Some leave these dysfunctional families altogether, some move back with the other parent for awhile, or with a friend, or a relative. Some hit the streets to fend for themselves, others become prostitutes in order to survive, being sexual abused at the hands of a step father they already feel defiled and now have no real value anymore, used and abused they see themselves as throw away people.
Are you asking where God is in all this?
Our Children would dearly love to know the answer to this question. Doesn’t God care? Can we blame them for wondering?
They struggle with fear all the time. What if they don’t measure up to their parent’s expectation of them, will they too be abandoned, like you did their mom, (or like mom did their dad) if they screw up. Some become perfectionist always trying to do it right afraid to fail.
Some Kids do just the opposite they completely rebel, and don’t care what anyone thinks, especially God, or their parents.
All these children have trouble bonding with others, dysfunction breeds more dysfunction. This has been proven over and over again. Their lack of trust for those in authority over them will affect not only their future, but their marital relationship as well, broken relationships continue well on into the 3rd or 4th generations like the curse that it is. . .unless God intervenes.
We acknowledge Lord that we have sinned and have been poor role models for our children in the past and that only You, God can turn this around for Your glory, and we at Hosea’s Cry believe that You can do that!
We’ve failed our kids in the past by getting so caught up in ourselves and our circumstances, and our own intense pain, and loneliness that we lost focus. Satan deceived us into thinking we had to try and save ourselves by getting out of our bad marriages.
When you’re deceive, you don’t know your being deceived, that’s part of the deception. We don’t see what were doing, or how selfish we’ve become because, we forgot to guard our heart and have allowed them to become callus.
Many hard hearted people remarry too quickly thinking it will make them happy. They don’t give themselves time to truly grieve fully or forgive those who wounded them in the past, be it a parent, or a spouse. So in trying to survive they end up getting caught in yet another bad emotional mess, and all this at the expense of their children, and Jesus’ holy name. Too deceived to realize the long term effect this would have on themselves and others.
We just need to stop long enough, to get Jesus perspective on things, and quit listen to others with compassion that comes from this world. We all need to get some wisdom from God Almighty before it’s too late!
Most remarried couples assume incorrectly that their children will:
1) Adapt to their new life environment. A lie they choose to believe to make things easier for themselves, because it’s really all about them and their happiness. They don’t want to think about their children and how this will effect them. If they do, they will only come up with some other excuse to justify what they are doing. They tell themselves their children will benefit from this in the end, it comforts them and helps them do what they need to do.
2) They believe their children are resilient and will bounce back quickly.
These Are Lies !!
If we weren’t so deceived we would realize how wrong we are! But Satan has blinded our eyes and plugged up our ears so we can’t see our children’s pain, or hear their cries. Some even blame their children when things begin to go wrong in their second marriages saying they are just being selfish.
Humm. . .wonder where they learned that!
They believe that their kids will learn to love the new step parent in time, but they may find their loyalty lies with the parent left behind. A child is more likely to feel angry at a step parent and refuse to even try to bond if they believe they stole their dad from their mom, (or visa-versa.) They see them as a thief.
They assume that just because the new person in their life acted kindly towards their children while they were dating, that this kindness would continue. Not always, some step parents have been known to physically or sexually abuse children and deliberately look for a wounded person they can manipulate so they can continue to abuse children not caring who they hurt. These children are afraid to say anything because they are threatened with death if they tell. A parent may not even have a clue of what their child is going through, and are shocked when they find out that the person they married was a child predator, and only married them to have free access to their children. This happens more often than we care to think about. Women and children are very vulnerable to this kind of demonic scheme, but we continually put our children in harms way through ignorance, and by our ill chosen lifestyles.
We want to believe our children will adjust and do well in school, some out of fear of abandonment become over achievers, some drop out of school altogether, get involved with sex, drugs or alcohol as they struggle to deaden the pain they can’t handle. Some find themselves in jail and wonder how they got their.
We hypocrites expect our children to go to church with us, and act well behaved in front of others, but they are not stupid they know we don’t fear God, so why should they. Maybe God’s dead, or just doesn’t care about them personally. They don’t see God as having power so why follow a God who’s impotent. Their image of a powerful God has been ripped to shreds. They’ve come to hate the hypocrisy they see all around them, even in the pastor’s lives, so quit going to church as soon as they can.
The consequences of ou divorcing and getting married again is far reaching. It effects everyone, our families, our extended family, our neighbours, our communities, even our nation is affected, but it especially effects the body of Christ. And we don’t even blush!!!
It’s much like dropping a dirty bomb, everyone gets contaminated, people are killed or scattered all over the place, and the tremors are felt generationaly.
Here is the answer you have all been waiting for!
God is not impotent!
Even in all this when our children and our society seem most vulnerable, God is able to turn things around. God said, “When the enemy come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.”
We have a promise from God that the gates of hell will not prevail against His Church. God is raising up warriors that will go the distance for Him. They will not give up when the going gets tough. They will cry out day and night on behalf of the nation so God can intervene. God is revealing the Secrets of His Covenant to these people because they refuse to bow their knee on this altar of Baal’s, to this god they call “Self Gratification” The heart’s of many will turn back to the ways of God because of them!
Individuals as well as some church leaders are now seeking God for His truth in this matter and are getting revelation that there is a big difference between a covenant, and contract. God is downloading this revelation into hearts right now. He is waking His people up and they are beginning to discern the times we are living in. They want to see us all to turn back to God and His ways again, and are seeking His answers to the terrible disunity that is going on not only in our families, but in the body of Christ. Persecution must come to the church to cleanse us of our adulterous and wicked ways so that Yeshua can come back for a pure spotless bride.
It is now so obvious even to us that Satan’s mandate is to rip apart marriages, and to sew discord into the body of Christ because he knows that this will keep us from becoming One like Jesus is One with the Father, so that He can do greater works through us than Jesus did.
Satan knows that our ‘one-flesh entities’ hold the image of God to our children and to the world around us. If he can destroy God’s image of faithfulness to God’s own people he will have won the next generation.
God promised to take out our stony hearts, and give us new hearts of flesh. It will be through our willingness to repent and forgive those who have despitefully used us, that we will become one in Christ in our homes, and in the Churches again!
‘One Heart and One way’
Satan works hard to destroy our understanding of our ‘One’ness in Christ!
Because that is where all the power & unconditional love is demonstrated!
Our marriages have the same mandate as the Church has. . .to be one with Christ, holy, and set apart for God’s use! Yeshua paid the ‘Bride Price’ in full for us with His own Blood. We belong to Him, not ourselves!
The Church body and our married body’s belong to Him alone, and He will not be mocked! The Holy Spirit is calling those who will fight the good fight, to rise up and not be afraid, but take up our positions on the wall and stand for what’s right, for the sake of Jesus holy name.
Our Bridegroom is coming soon for His pure spotless Bride. He wants the blood from the violence to our children washed from our hands, and our wedding gowns cleansed of the blood stains, and the wrinkles ironed out from our sleeping around with our wedding garments on. The Holy Spirit job is to get us and our bridal garments cleaned up, and ironed out, and ready to be viewed before Yeshua comes back.
God said don’t call me Lord! If I’m not Lord!
Turn back to Me!
Jesus is weeping for His Church, His Bride like He did for Israel. We are acting the harlot when we indulge in sexual sin which is only bring defilement and destruction on our land, but God promised to restore Israel to their rightful place. If we repent, turn back to the Lord and ask for His forgiveness. He will cleanse us of all of our wicked ways.
We must Repent and Cry out to Him for His mercy and He will heal the one-flesh body and our land, along with Israel for God is faithful even to the unfaithful! His love is unconditional, it’s not like man’s.
Repentance brings renewal !!!